marlon said...

It's 11:08 on my laptop, which is anywhere from 3 to 5 minutes fast. I'm writing at the Pig ( The Bourgois Pig ) on a walnut table. Sara, the barista with a good heart and great taste in music spins thumping rhythms on her ipod. 5 or 6 napkins sit next to me. I barely ever use 5 but always take them, just in case. I'm drinking some tonic called "Tame the Elements" which burns my throat with it's heavy coating of lemon and honey. The virus is still churning low inside of me. I can feel the honey-lemon sliding down into my stomach to do battle with it. There's an advertisement for a movie "Feast of Love" on the cup sleeve. Kelly recommended that book to me and I never finished it. What I read was really nice. The movie looks slight and passable. Kelly is one of the "Women Who Got Away". Can I call them that if I never really let them in or thought they were the one? I need a better title. "Women I cared about". Better. C'mon now. I loved her. Thinking of her and her red hair, intelligence and love of reading reminds me poignantly of how long it's been since I've enjoyed a woman's company without qualification. Do I still not love myself enough to attract the kind of woman I want?

Before I forget...

Yesterday, I was wondering how much to reveal here. Names, people, specifics, emotions. I want this to be "anything goes" but feel that a good compromise might be not naming people or specifics, but what's underneath...how it relates to me. That way I can welcome in whomever wants to read. That feels kind of like a rule though and fuck that... so, what's the point of all this then? As I sat there, over-thinking , I noticed that some guy named "Marlon" responded to my first posting:

Marlon said...

"I am reading a book that discusses relationships and says that the only way to know yourself is not only by introspection, but also by self-disclosure to another: "All the discoveries that we make through communication with ourselves-our thought, beliefs and concepts of self-are only ideas until we crystallize them and give them meaning and substance in words. Thus we come to know ourselves even better through disclosing oursevles to others." "Full disclosure of the self to at least one other ..appears to be the one means by which a person discovers not only the breadth and depth of his needs...but also the nature of his own self-affirmed values." "Revealing ourselves openly and honestly to others is the most important means of knowing the self."

Marlon seems to have nailed not only why I'm doing this, but why I'm yearning for a companion.

Marlon's cool.