Everything always happens: NOW

Okay, so I wake up approximately one week ago today. Friday. It's cloudy and damp and I've slept til 7 am instead of getting up at 6 as I had intended . I won't get to the gym to swim and instead have to get into work. My mind is filled with clients I have to contact today, the extremely unhappy client I feel guilty about, my bills, the crazy L.A. drivers who freak out in the rain, the end of the week, the date I'm having that night with a woman I'm attracted to but who brings out the worst in me. I get into my office, boot up my computer and pick up the phone to listen to messages. My computer boots up automatically to KCRW's music player which is set on the pre-recorded programming of the night before.

I hear this song and I stop. Look up from my desk. I've never heard it before, but it's familiar and different, all at once. I put the phone down, close my door, turn up the speakers and as if I've been horse-collared, I sit back, close my eyes and listen...

I open up.

This is what swimming in the ocean is like.

This is what making love is like.

This is what I feel like when I am present.

This is who I am.

It finishes and I can't believe what I've just heard. I run around online to find it and learn about this guy. Hans Otte. "Das Buch der Klange". I burn the cd and can't wait to get into my car and drive through the rain and see if it has teh same effect. It does. I tell a few people about it. ( those who are familiar with my already indulgent, creative artist dramatic "oooh look at that tree" world view of things ). My day is completely different. I sit with a friend and listen together. I weep and smile in his presence. It's a great day. I figure that this is all just timing. My life and realizations and where my head is at, colliding with a piece of music that resonates with me.

Then I read about this guy and find out that hey, I'm not the only one. Other people are crazy too :

http://www.pogus.com/21037.html

http://www.artistdirect.com/nad/store/artist/album/0,,142495,00.html


What's crazy is that this was his intention through the music. And how crazy is it that he has created the sound equivalent of:

Presence.


Das Buch Der Klange:

http://www.badongo.com/file/7580911

Aquarian Music:

http://www.badongo.com/file/7581092

yes

Of course this is coming into my life. 

I've wanted it for a long time. 

I've deserved it. 

I've needed it and now it's arriving. 

I'm not forcing it. 

I'm simply expecting it. 

And now it's here.

Right now.

I am

a creator
I create things
I was born to do this
I am talented
I am a creator
I create things
It brings me closer to god as me
I am a creator
I create things
that are wonderful
and sell for a lot of money
When I work all day and
care for people
pay my bills
get distracted by little things that don't matter
or big things that matter
use them all as an excuse
I remember that
I am a creator
I create things

what would that guy do?

The guy who challenges himself and achieves ridiculously fantastic things. Who feels happy and grateful a large part of the day.

He:
goes to bed early
drinks water
reads a few pages of something
finds something new to be grateful for
doesn't eat after 8 pm
talks to three strangers a day to expand his circle and get out of his head
calls his friends
acts as if
writes for 2hrs
changes jack's litter box
challenges his body
does his dishes
folds his laundry
is up at six and out by 7
swims
smiles
imagines something amazing

i can see it.

It's a Crafstman. It was built somewhere between 1910-1930. It's eastside, Silverlake, Echo Park or even Eagle Rock. It has bumps and bruises, dents and dings. The heater's old and needs to be repaired ,if not replaced. In fact, the whole place is a fixer upper, but it has wood inlays, old colored tile in the bathroom and a separate shower and there are windows all around and a lemon tree in the scraggly, overgrown backyard in need of serious love. I'll have to get used to a new neighborhood and be out of whatever comfort zone I've created. I may be sharing it with some lovely woman or I might be by myself. The DNA built into the walls in that Howard Roark way that Craftsman homes give you the feeling they were built for each individual owner.

I'll get buyer's remose as soon as I sign the paperwork. The mortgage will put pressure on me to make more money and focus more and I will freak out a couple of times and wonder what I got myself into and how I have sabotaged creative goals to buy it.

I'll freeze in the winter.

And...

I'll be able to sit on my lawn at sunset on a summer night and split a few bottles of wine with friends and act stupid. I will sit in the empty living room and listen to music and the wood inlays will hold the sound and make me smile and maybe even cry.

And I'll hear Jack's claws sliding and scratching on the wood floors as he shoots through the hallway.

I can see it. It's real now.

Can you hear me now?

I'm losing the ability to communicate directly.

I'm completely confused. We cell because it's supposed to be a great way to stay in touch, yet we screen so we can't be found. Conversations are almost always disconnected or difficult to hear and mostly done while focusing on one or two other things. I don't know anyone's phone number. I used to know all my friend's phone numbers. I barely remember my own home phone number. We text for efficiency, but it's really just a great way to screen under the guise of actually talking. We email when we can't get to a phone or at work or when it's too late at night. When am I actually talking to someone and listening?

Nobody can "read" each other anymore because we're eye to eye less and less. All this indirect-ness breeds confusion, isolation, fear and *static* SCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH....

aries horoscope for the week of november 1, 2007

A top official at the European Robotics Research Network predicts that humans will "be having sex with robots" sooner than anyone expected -- probably within four years. I hope this little shocker will help motivate you to follow my astrological advice for the coming week, which is to flee in the opposite direction of that trend. Start by phasing out any robotic, machine-like behavior that may have crept into the way you make love. For that matter, deprogram yourself of any automatic, lifeless habits that are infecting your approach to expressing intimacy, tenderness, and togetherness.

we fuckin' love Rob mothafuckin' Brezny and his beautiful Freewillastrolgy.com